Each week, friend and fellow Twitterite Crystal “@crredwards” Edwards issues a challenge to all comers to perform some strange and bizarre task before close-of-business on Monday. Christened “Manic Monday,” it gives everyone a bit of relief from what can otherwise be a killer day, and keeps all of us on our toes.

The very first Manic Monday task was to throw a pickle at the setting sun as an act of defiance against what was otherwise a bum-burning day. The second — which I’m still working on, as I was sick at the time — was to make a voodoo doll and send in a photo of it. Don’t worry, when it’s finally done it’ll turn up here; suffice it for now to say that the lady in the craft department at Walmart probably won’t ever ask me if she can help me again.

This week’s Manic Monday task, which I actually managed to be well enough to participate in, was to write a poem about cheese. Apparently, we’ve all been guilted, because everyone popped up out of the woodwork to opine on le fromage. As usual, I made something that should have been fairly easy and short into an epic project, and since I spent more time writing it than Virgil did the Aeneid, I thought I’d share it with you all.

The Curds and the Whey

Stilton, Cheddar, and the Herve,
Soft ones, hard ones, veined ones to show,
Aging ever, the curds and the whey.

Crackers, cheese knife, sit on a tray,
Brie, Camembert, et Livarot,
Stilton, Cheddar, and the Herve.

Munster, Neufchatel, Morbier,
Gorgonzola, Montasio,
Aging ever, the curds and the whey.

Cries the très affamé gourmet,
“Cheese and Marcel’s best rouge Bordeaux,
Stilton, Cheddar, and the Herve.”

What to serve with vino dolce?
Why not the flair of Majorero,
Aging ever, the curds and the whey.

Langres, Chevère, and Valençay,
Toma, Fontal, e Ramano,
Stilton, Cheddar, and the Herve,
Aging ever, the curds and the whey.

A free subscription to Breaking News to the first person to figure out what I think is the geekiest part of this particular creation du psychotique.

1. Crystal Says:
   September 11th, 2008 at 9:04 pm

   I’ve read this about a dozen times now, and I still can’t get over how good it is. I’m a fan of the Dutch masters, and this reminds me so very much of a handful of still lifes I’ve seen over the years. I’m sending you a big stinky cheese for Christmas.